God you are strong, I am safe in your arms.
I know there are a lot of people who are curious about what happened last night. I have no problems talking about it and I wanted to share the details while it is still fresh in my memory. I can only speak for myself here but I feel like talking about it has helped the healing.
Last night we celebrated my mother in law's 50th birthday party at her neighborhood pool. At 9pm I had walked to their house to take Jordy to the potty and left Erin in the care of my mother. Eddy and I bypassed one another as he was returning with Caiden doing the same thing. When I returned, I told Eddy we need to get going, and by the looks of it everyone else was leaving too. At this point Eddy had removed Erin's water wings in preparation of us leaving. Eddy had written a special note for his mother that he wanted to read before we left. We took care of that promptly. I never recalled seeing Erin when I returned from the house but it didn't say much because Erin had been all over the place all night. For some weird reason I felt uneasy about her absence because of it being so dark. I know now that it was only the Holy Spirit prompting my curiosity of her whereabouts because like most of you know, they are always accounted for when it really matters. Surely we won't be that family whose child dies or gets kidnapped. All night I kept feeling worried about her for some reason and Eddy kept assuring me she was fine. My first instinct was the park connecting to the pavilion/pool area. I went to the park calling her name and heard nothing. I was still pretty calm but managed to ask Eddy if he saw her at the pool and he said she wasn't there. Eddy's sister was trailing close behind him double checking everything and started to walk with him away from the pool. She later told me that she didn't know why but she felt the spirit tugging at her to take a double look in the pool. From the moment I first asked where she was, about 30 seconds had gone by when I heard the terrible news. “Morgan, Oh my God she's in the pool!” What happened next is something you only experience in your worst nightmares. I sprinted from one side of the gate to the other as Jennifer pulled my precious baby from the water yelling in hysterics. She was limp, she was blue and she had no pulse. The noises that came out of me were uncontrollable. “Oh God no, no, no no!!! Oh God! Jennifer put her down!!” I knew CPR couldn't begin in her arms and I started to walk away screaming for someone to call 911. I don't want want my last memories of Erin to be spent watching her dead body on the concrete. I kept looking around for someone to comfort me. But all I saw was panic. She was dead and nobody could do anything about it. The next thought that came to my mind was from the devil himself. This is your fault, you have too many kids. I stopped immediately and got flat on my face before the Lord and I remember praying, Lord what do I pray for?! Help me! And then it began, something that cannot be explained by man. A perfect peace that truly surpasses all understanding. Then the prayers began as though I put no effort into them, Lord nothing happens apart from your will. I believe that your Hand is in this! I had made my peace that my baby was dead and I realized in that very moment that while it was such a terrible pain I would be okay despite hating it with the fiercest of hate. God's promise came ringing into my ears, all things happen to the glory of God to those who love Him! And then I thought about his deliberate sacrifice of his very own son. How horrible he must have felt, and then it hit me. God you lost a child, and now I have lost a child. You will carry me through this storm and you will receive Glory. You know how I feel! Please help me. I then ran to the street to wait for the ambulance. It was then that I began brainstorming how I would cope with this loss. First I would get rid of all her clothes, and Devyn would wear nothing of Erin's. Next I would have to get rid of her bed, her passies and her blankets and all of her favorite toys. How did I become that parent?! The one everyone snickers about saying “Where were the stupid parents when this happened?”...How was I that mom now?! You know that you do it, we all do. I realized then I was collapsed in the middle of the road alone. I was thinking of all the people in their homes perfectly safe, and I had just lost my baby. I just wanted someone to comfort me. And then came another answer to prayer. My brother in law hopping the fence telling me my baby is breathing and holding me as I sobbed. He is telling me she was okay, but all I kept thinking was how brain damaged would she be?? When did she go missing? How long was she under?! As the ambulance came I ran back to where she was, she was crying and she had pooped and peed on herself. Eddy's uncle had done CPR on her the entire time and said her heart had not beat for 2 minutes solid. My first thought was, how long was it not beating in the water?! Eddy hopped on the ambulance, and for once I wished I weren't breastfeeding Devyn. I don't remember them carrying her off, but I stopped to comfort Caiden a moment before I rushed off to the hospital. What a horrible thing to see at his age. I get to the hospital and Erin is awake. She is crying to go bye bye and wants to get off of her table. I was not shocked to see her alive, but I was shocked to see her talking to me. I saw her bathing suit in a ball on the floor and asked them to dispose of it. Never again do I want to see my baby in that suit. My sister in law said Erin was floating head down but she almost didn't see her because it looked more like a life jacket than a person. I hated that of all people she was the one to pull Erin's lifeless body out of the pool but praise God for his prompting in her spirit to do sol. As the night progressed, Erin was fussing over juice cups and asking for Yo Gabba Gabba. I knew she was going to be okay.
I later learned this morning that 2 people had noted Erin being present as I read the letter to Eddy's mom. It was exactly half a page length and took no more than a minute and a half to read. We don't know exactly when she wandered away, how long she played on the step before she drowned, or how long she struggled before she quit breathing...but my closest estimates are 2-2.5 minutes from the moment she walked away to the moment she was pulled from the water. Maybe less. We are so blessed because it could have been so much worse. You never think this will happen to you.
I am forever grateful for God's grace on my Erin and my family, but we have been left distraught. I did not lose my Erin forever, but for a short 5 minutes I did. And that feeling has left a hole in my heart that will take time to heal. So please pray for us, all of our friends and family that were present.
I believe that my God is a Sovereign God, and a God of divine intervention. Today at the hospital we met another couple whose baby also drowned yesterday. Her parents are close in age to me and Eddy, and like Erin baby Bristol was only 2. It was her second birthday in fact. We are so blessed for our daughters recovery. So I ask again that you pray for this precious family. Kayla, Mike and Bristol. I can't begin to tell you the comfort I received in knowing another mom who felt exactly like me. We exchanged few words mostly rehashing our experiences...but it left me feeling peaceful. And again, in his divine sovereignty I discover that I have been friends with one of her cousins for years.
When I close my eyes to sleep, I hear Jennifer, I see Erin being pulled from the water blue and limp less and I hear my scream. It replays over and over like a record and I can't make it stop. I am praying for rest for me and Bristols family tonight.
Erin is completely back to normal, sleeping on the sofa right now actually. This little girl has one powerful testimony and I know the Lord has great plans for her!! Thank you Abba!
Thank you so much for your prayers, and your encouraging words. It gave me great strength when I needed it most. He is my strength and my rock!!
